Updated: Nov 16, 2020
Falling in love is a beautiful feeling. When you find “the one” you feel unstoppable, you’re on cloud nine and nothing can stop these feelings. An invisible bubble forms around the two of you and suddenly only the two of you exist. No one else matters and you are YOU, when you’re with them. You dance your heart out on the dance floor as if you own it; you eat wings or burgers as if it’s just the two of you there. It’s an amazing feeling and you never want to leave this “bubble”. If you know this feeling you’ve probably heard it before, this is called the “Honeymoon” phase.
Suddenly you are so caught up on your significant other, or “S.O” for short, that you forget about your friends. You see your friends less and talk less because aside from your S.O. you also have to maintain a job. All the free time you have is spent on them. You may not be aware of it at first, but some friends will tell you they are feeling neglected or even ignored. Know that it is okay to spend time with your S.O. and love them so much you don’t want to leave their side, but you must not forget your friends; The people who have been there for you through all the fun and sad times. It is important to be inclusive from the beginning and establish that trust among your friends and S.O. If the person you are dating feels they are being excluded or don’t feel comfortable with your friends this may cause some problems but it is your job to create that trust. Communicating is a huge part of a relationship and it is very helpful if you and your partner clearly communicate the type of outside relationships you both may have. This will allow for you to be in your honeymoon phase while also not forgetting about your friends. After all, your friends are also the ones that you want to be part of your life.
The Honeymoon phase can easily become toxic if you don’t establish clear communication from the beginning. It is a phase of so much intensity and passion that when one person decides to leave the bubble for friends it can feel uncomfortable for the other person because they may feel left out. To be clear, step one is always establishing roles, “Who is Who?” and why each person is significant. Communicating is huge! No one likes feeling left on the dark so communicate with your Person. Clearly set time aside from your bubble to have “ME Time”, it is important for an individual to keep growing with friendships they had or want to have before or while dating you. You want to be able to flourish in all your relationships, with your family, friends and with your partner. This is very important, you may hear this all the time but I am stressing it again, make time for yourself and allow your partner to also have time for them.
I think its fair to say most of us have been through this honeymoon phase in which we forget we also have friends. We understand this all to well, we went through it. It was magical in our little bubble we had created but we quickly realized that in order to continue to grow we also couldn’t forget about our friends and family. It was a huge challenge for us at first because we did not know the importance of communication and allowing your partner to get to meet the people you call “family” and want to spend time with too. Be inclusive as much as you can so that your S.O can also form relationships with those that are important to you.
Make sure you continue to build trust even when you’re not together. With those key ingredients, I am almost certain you and your partner can continue to flourish in any aspect of your lives. The question holds, “can the honeymoon phase actually be toxic for you?, I don’t believe it is, I believe it is as beautifully intense as you make it, however, you must learn to balance it with the life you already have. I am not a therapist or marriage counselor in anyway or form, this is just one couple writing about our experience and what we have gathered from it. “In every disagreement with your [partner], remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You have become a team in everything, so you will either win as a team or lose as a team. Work as a team to find a solution where the team wins.”